In 2015, I’m learning to dance in the rain!

What does “New Year” mean to you? New beginnings? Turning over a new leaf? Creating resolutions such as shifting those 7lbs in weight you put on LAST Christmas or finally starting a “saving for the future” fund?

After much deliberation, my new year’s resolution is to worry less…

Those that know me well are aware that I have a *slight* tendency to worry. I worry about others, worry about what others think, worry about being late, worry about how good I am at my job, worry about my friends when they are sad, worry about doing the right thing by everyone, worry about my appearance (when I’ve attempted to make an effort!) and generally worry that everything is going to be okay.

In my research for this post, I came across these quotes:

  • “Don’t miss the sun today worrying about the rain coming tomorrow.”
  • “Worrying won’t stop the bad from happening, it just stops you from enjoying the good.”
  • “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”
  • “Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.”

But my favourite was this:

  •  ”Life is not to wait until the storms pass, it’s learning how to dance in the rain.”

2014 was undoubtedly the BEST year of my life. I feel choked thinking about all the amazing things that happened to me – life changing events, numerous celebrations, once-in-a-lifetime experiences and travels, plus many landmark birthdays. It was incredible.

But it came with it’s worries, such as “will people turn up to my party”, “will my dress fit” and “will I cross the marathon finish line alive!”.

The fact is we don’t own magic wands and we cannot control the “what ifs”.

However…

2014 also had its challenges. Some I cannot bring myself to share on my blog, but, the most unexpected blow of all was the diagnosis of my father’s cancer only a few months ago and this was a huge smack-in-the-face for him, for me and my family after all of the happy times throughout the year so far. In an instant, it felt like none of those happy times mattered as the continual buzz was drastically switched to intense anxiety.

Nothing can prepare you for the rollercoaster ride of physical and mental emotion that the C-word brings – naturally more so for the patient but also for me and my siblings – our worlds went a little crazy for a while.

Despite the fact your body (including your mind) goes in to autopilot during an unexpected crisis, and you (try to) continue with life as normal – work etc – at some point we realise that we are not robots, and that it is actually okay to cry, and okay to feel anger at the world when a nasty hand is dealt.

When cracks began to show, a friend gave me many useful websites and books to refer to, and over time I have slowly taught my brain to focus positively, and to put things in to perspective (i.e. a bad day at work or burning my toast is not the end of the world – FACT). I’m also learning to reduce the amount crap I allow myself to put up with and to proactively spend time with people that I love, and that genuinely love me in return.

I learned that it is “okay” to discover that sometimes you simply can’t control the journey of your life or others – something a natural “control freak” like me (or a perfectionist I prefer to say!) can find exceptionally challenging. I found myself falling asleep during late night Google searches thinking I could find the answers to everything (sounds daft in hindsight…).

My Dad’s journey isn’t over yet – and normally I would still continue to be nothing but a bundle of worry and behaving in all sorts of weird and mysterious ways, but somehow I have learned to be more calm about the situation – because a) it could so much worse b) he’s here and healthier than he was a few months back and c) he’s in the best hands medically – so it is as “okay” as it can be. There are enough reasons to end the sleepless nights, continual tears and tight chest pains of anxiety.

So I now like to think that I am “learning to dance in the rain” as I hop, skip and jump in to 2015?

Anything can happen, to any of us, at any time and I’m learning that there’s no use wasting energy in worrying about the “what ifs”. Instead I’m going to take my chosen quote’s advice and dance my way through any storm in the new year. 🙂

Well…I’m not *quite* the dancer I used to be, but I’ll give it a good go!

Whatever your dreams, aspirations and resolutions, I wish you all a very healthy and happy 2015, and I want to take this opportunity to say a big thank you for supporting and reading my blog. It’s a pleasure writing for you and it’s proven to work as one of my therapies to help me through a “down day” or to help subside a feeling of anxiety.

I hope you continue to enjoy my posts – there’ll be plenty more in 2015! Please register your email address to receive new posts straight to your inbox, or to like/follow me on Facebook (click here).

Happy New Year to all you lovelies!

XCamilla

PS. I recently convinced a friend to start her own blog as a way of helping her to look on the bright side of life and to express a feeling of positivity and happiness. I can vouch that blogging is a fun hobby and (sub consciously) a great form of self-therapy! I recommend starting your own blog if you are looking for a new hobby – if you do, let me know to check it out!

Flamingo Monroe Happy New Year

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3 thoughts on “In 2015, I’m learning to dance in the rain!

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